He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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