Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
