Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
