help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
