We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
That's how pantless uber rides happen
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
