I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
