Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
