i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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