he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize