Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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