I accidentally burped into my bong.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
