i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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