I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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