Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
