i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
