im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
