I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
