I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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