It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
we made out on top of his cat.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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