May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
