Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
