Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
