so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
