my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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