I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
