you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
