Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
