the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
