Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
