I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
