I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
