The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
