I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
