Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
