Will you blow on my dice?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
