i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You made out with two different species that night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
