i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
