I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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