You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Damn victory sex feels great
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
