no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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