Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
