Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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