i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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