so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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