i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
