I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
