Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
