I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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