Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
