this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
