Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
thus making me awesome and them whores
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dear god my vagina.
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