i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
