i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
