You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
