dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
