We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
