My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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