"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
