Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
