That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
