epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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