You just made me feel so damn special
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
