Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
