i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
