i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
