I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
