Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just high enough for therapy.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
