I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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