i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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