The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
