at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
