I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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