kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
