Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
