I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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