benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
