at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
