I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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