some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
