(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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