I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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