We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
