listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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