walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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