Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
