watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She needs sedatives and a leash
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
