Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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