im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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