Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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