They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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