Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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