He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We smell like vodka and hangover
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
