I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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