New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
third nipple confirmed
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
